Poet Voice: Karmic Mishap

Gabrielle: The line “my desire to live might be outweighing my need to survive” is such a powerful paradox. What inspired that specific phrasing, and what does it mean to you now?

KM: I felt trapped by circumstances in my life. It was taking all of my energy just to stay afloat, and I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time to just be myself. It has me thinking that I need to enjoy life so much that I can risk the life itself in pursuit of that goal.

Gabrielle: Can you talk about a time in your life when you felt this pull between those two forces?

KM: When I was going to college and working, I was extremely busy. My schedule just didn’t leave room for error, much less leisure, relaxation, growth, and that sort of thing. I worked so hard to satisfy my need to survive that I felt like I wasn’t living my life anymore, just playing out a script given to me by others. My health suffered, both mental and physical. It was a while before I was able to get work with the school doing things I wanted to actually do. That was like seeing the sun break through clouds after having been hidden for so long I almost forgot how beautiful it is.

Gabrielle: How do you define a “meaningful life,” and how has that definition changed for you over time?

KM: You know, I don’t think it has changed very much, but the priorities have changed some. I feel that a meaningful life is based around developing and strengthening ourselves and our bonds with our loved ones and communities. At the time I was going to college, it felt like the communities were of the utmost importance. I have gotten a lot out of what I put into things like clubs, but, over time, I’ve come to appreciate even more the little things about living.

It’s meaningful for me to wake up and find that my wife is preparing coffee or the like in anticipation of my awakening. I think it’s meaningful that my cats want to spend so much time getting love and affection from me, in between bouts of playing and mischief. That’s the kind of thing that makes my life today a special one. Lately I’ve been diving into a spiritual side that I’ve known about for a long time without being able to actualize it. Poetry has helped me unlock that further in these trying times. I now love writing about things like the divine glory of a sunrise. These bring an added flavor of mystery and persistence to my life.

Gabrielle: The idea of limited “room to grow” can be daunting. How do you find space for growth and self-discovery, even when faced with limitations if any?

KM: It’s the kind of thing I steal away from the machinery governing our lives in any way I can. I will take a break at work to compose a haiku. I will walk outside on my lunch break to admire the sky and trees. I may not always have time to read, but I find it easier to listen to audiobooks on my commute. Of course, there’s always nighttime. I am still working on a balance there, because it’s the time I feel most inspired to explore the self and ways to grow, so I often don’t sleep enough. It’s a small price to pay, in the end, but I will make it work.

Gabrielle: What can you do when you shoot your shot / but never hit your mark?” This question resonates with so many people. What does it mean to you to take a chance, and how do you handle the possibility of not succeeding?

KM: To me, taking a chance is risking your ego’s illusions, whatever they may be. We may not be as attractive and witty as we wish, or we may have a hard time producing our creative works. In any case, the point is to still try. The rest of the world moves on without self-awareness and doubt, so I try to take its lead in doing the same. Handling failure is a difficult task. I see it as an opportunity to learn more and grow. If we can face our failure squarely, we can often take away some meaningful lessons. It could show us which techniques we need to improve our mastery of, or it could just teach us more about the complexities of living in an interconnected world. I try to take these as they come, as they often do, with a bit of humor and reflection to soothe their sting. Sometimes a lot of both are necessary, but that’s just fine, it seems I’ve always got more to draw on when I need.

Gabrielle: What advice would you give to someone who feels like they’re constantly “missing the mark”?

KM: I would tell someone in that position to reevaluate their approach. It usually means something is fundamentally missing or misunderstood. Seeking help from others that have been in that situation is often a valuable source of advice and encouragement. It’s good to hear that you’re not the only one who’s been through what you’re dealing with. 

Gabrielle: What do you hope readers will take away from this poem?

KM: Others, like myself, have been through these hard times that leave one feeling despair and hopelessness. I’m still here though, and I try to live in such a way that it could be inspiring to people with similar backgrounds or points of view. My successes inform as well as my failures. We can make it, together and separately. This, too, shall pass.